The key to getting a woman to chase you is to make her think about you when you’re away.
Once you get her to do that… she might even start falling in love.
But how do you get there?
What most guys do is that they try to perform favors for a girl they like as an attempt to attract her.
They’ll help her with homework, get her gifts, bring her lunch… sometimes they act like her little servant.
One problem with this is that they sacrifice their manhood in order to get validation from the girl (more on this later).
Another problem is that doing favors for a girl does not trigger attraction.
Instead, it’s much better to get the girl to do favors for you… and there’s one psychological principle that backs this up.
It’s called the Benjamin Franklin Effect.
The Benjamin Franklin Effect is the psychological phenomenon where a person who has performed a favor for someone is more likely to do another favor for that person, than if they received a favor from that person.
This means you can get someone to like you by getting them to do favors for you.
Why does it work? The reason is cognitive dissonance. People don’t want conflict in their brains… so someone who does a favor for you will rationalize they must like you, otherwise why would they do that favor for you?
The origin of the Benjamin Franklin Effect comes from the story Old Ben tells in his Autobiography.
In the story, Franklin describes how he dealt with a rival legislator who hated him.
After hearing that his rival had a rare book in his library, Franklin wrote to him and asked whether he could borrow the book for a few days.
The rival agreed, and a week later Franklin returned the book with a letter thanking him and expressing how much he liked it.
The next time the two met, Franklin’s rival treated him differently.
His (now ex) rival spoke to him with great civility and showed a willingness to help him in other matters, leading the two men to become good friends.
Franklin consequently referred to this effect with an old axiom, stating that:
“He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.” — From “The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin“
The lesson here is to see if you can get women to do small favors for you. At least make sure she reciprocates and does something for you if you’re doing something for her.
For example, if she’s coming to meet you to study together or to work on a project… ask her if she can bring you some coffee along the way. Then when she comes you can provide some snacks and voila you two are reciprocating together.
When you become her little helper, she will love the things you do for her, and the gifts you give her… but she won’t love you.
She’ll give you hugs and say “awww thank you!” …which may cause you to think you’re “winning points”.
But you’re not getting her to like you in the way you want her to like you.
You’re just cementing her image of you as “the friend who helps her out” …not the friend she gets sexual or romantic with, which is what you want.
In other words, she’ll put you in the provider friend zone.
See every woman has two buckets in which to put men. The lover bucket and the provider bucket.
When you interact with them, women will label you as either a lover or as a provider.
By doing provider things, you already place yourself in that role for her, and she will keep accepting the provider goodies you gift her.
But if you do provider things and expect “lover” benefits, you will be disappointed.
During the course of knowing a girl, you can’t just jump from one role to another.
That’s why a guy who spends months in the provider friend role will suddenly build himself up to go for the kiss, and the girl will be like “WTF! Where is this coming from?”
It catches her by surprise because in her mind it’s not who the guy is.
And then when the girl rejects him, and the guy stops doing favors for her, she realizes it was all an act and you end up with bad feelings on both sides.
At the end of the day, the guy wasted his energy changing who he was in order to do something that doesn’t even work.
Why do guys tend to do this? Why do they try to sneak a woman’s charms with provider qualities?
Because it’s the “safe” play.
They’re playing to “not lose” instead of playing to win.
They don’t want to risk losing the woman’s validation… and playing to win comes with a level of volatility they can’t handle.
When you meet a girl and you decide that you want her, you must quickly set a pattern of interaction that cements you as the potential “lover”. Part of this is by making a move sooner rather than later.
Yes this takes courage, but it saves you time, energy, and money.
Instead of building yourself up for months plotting your move with a girl… making a move early only risks a small loss…
While investing several months of your resources risks all that time, energy, and money you invested trying to win points with her… and with a strategy that doesn’t work!
Now if you think you waited too long and you’re stuck deep in the friend zone, you can still use a sneaky little mind game called “The Scrambler” to break your “friend zone” pattern of interaction and replace it with a new “lover” pattern.
If you end up lingering too long in the provider friend zone, not only will you dig yourself deeper in the hole (the hole you don’t want)… but you also run the risk of getting used by women.
Which leads us to the third reason…
Now let’s say your intent is to sleep with a girl or to make her your girlfriend… so you act extra accommodating, go out of your way to help with her problems, and you eagerly do favors for her.
So when she rejects your proposal to go out on a date… you feel that it’s unfair, because you did all these things for her.
But if you thought doing favors entitled you to a date or to sleep with her, it means you were trying to manipulate.
Those favors were part of an ulterior motive that wasn’t communicated. At least during “arrangements” or prostitution the intent is quite clear.
Furthermore, that wasn’t the real you, because your favors weren’t unconditional.
Ask yourself, “would I still do these favors for a buddy, or a female friend I wasn’t attracted to?” If yes, then cool! If no, then you’re molding yourself into the fake “nice guy” role in order to get into her pants.
But the thing about manipulation is that when you do it, you open yourself up to getting manipulated yourself.
You open the door for a situation where a woman knows you want to sleep with her, and she has no desire, but she still takes your favors in order to benefit.
Furthermore… and this is the fourth reason.
Are you a man worthy of respect?
If the pattern of interaction is that you do things for her, but she doesn’t do anything for you, then she can’t respect you.
Especially if you let her treat you like a second class citizen.
So don’t be the little pleaser servant she has around to do things for her, who is overly accommodating. Don’t arrange your plans around what she is doing
If you treat her like a celebrity, and she’ll treat you like a fan
Remember how we talked about validation dependence? Men act this way when they’re willing to trade status and power for female validation.
When you get too dependent on a woman for validation… and you become desperate to lose her approval… you become a lost puppy in the woods who longs for mommy to come and rescue him.
Ask yourself this: Is your purpose just to seek her validation, like a drug? Or is it to actually escalate with her, have sex, date her, and maybe build a relationship in the future?
As I said before, men are afraid of making a move because they’re afraid of losing female validation. They don’t play to win, they play to avoid losing.
Once you make a move to break out of that provider friend zone, the texts from her that make you feel good will be gone… but that’s just a validation trap. It creates a comfort zone that traps you there. Because her validation keeps you comfortable.
You will have a sense of loss, but that comes with freedom.
Making a move that risks losing her validation requires stepping out of the comfort zone. But most men don’t want to risk this, they won’t want to “lose”.
Now keep this in mind: Losing here means not losing her validation. Nevermind getting the girl, validation addiction is what dominates.
Instead, you have to play to WIN, not to “not lose”. Most people play to “not lose”.
Play to win, focus on what you do wan
Don’t get distracted by different paths that lure you away from what you don’t want. These distractions keep you comfortable and complacent… but they NEVER lead to were you want.
Getting a girl to chase you is easier when you’re a man on your purpose.
When you have a purpose, you have a mission, or a vision, that you follow in life. Whether it’s your career, business, or a big project you’re working on that you really care about… that’s you mission, and you are on your path towards that mission.
Purpose keeps you grounded, and it keeps you from worrying to much about a girl.
However, what many guys do is… that they make the woman their purpose.
You know how at the beginning of this article we talked about “oneitis” and getting obsessed with a girl?
That happens when the woman becomes your purpose and you get focused on her a little too much.
As you might guess… this state of mind leads to super unattractive behaviors.
When you’re too focused on chasing her, you are unable to carry yourself in a way that gets her to chase you.
Here’s a simple way to envision purpose.
Think of superman, he’s got people to save, bridges to fix, bad guys to kill.
Now he’s got a girlfriend, Lois Lane, right?
Can you imagine superman one day saying he’s going to retire to dedicate his life to Lois Lane?
Lois will probably get bored, and lose attraction here. (Yes, even Superman isn’t immune to wussy mistakes!)
Lois Lane will get bored because she wants Superman to be Superman. He wants him to stay on his purpose… and then she will feel proud to support him.
And the same applies to any man with a purpose. Don’t sacrifice it in order to accommodate a woman.
Don’t trade your purpose for validation.
With this in mind, when you qualify a woman to see if she’s good for you, you can ask yourself “Is she down with the plan?” “Will she support me on my mission?”
And if you can get her to contribute and do favors for you… you can get her to like you via the “Benjamin Franklin Effect” once again.
If you find yourself getting friend zoned by a girl, it’s probably because you’re setting a pattern of interaction that frames you as the provider friend.
This video explains a sneaky technique called “The Scrambler” that breaks that pattern of interaction and sets a new pattern that helps you attract your “hard to get” female friend.